My phantom book



Wow! I’ve finally done it. It has been 27 years from when I was sitting in the office of a solicitor, reliving my life story for the umpteenth time; when she said to me “you need to write your life story”. “Go ahead start from now” she said. She left the room and came back with a new A3 exercise book and a pen. I remember leaving the office and thinking. “Me”, write a book who would be interested in my story... and so the years flew past. Over the years I accumulated more chapters for my phantom book; but always in the back of my mind the thoughts remained.

Well, twenty seven  years later I feel my phantom book is almost completed and it’s time to put pen to paper and make it a reality.

The title for my blog had always been there, I just didn’t know what to write about exactly, or how to layout the topics. I have always thought of myself as wearing a mask due to the horrendous experiences I had endured from a young age. However, it was only over the last  fifteen years the title came to me, when someone said you are always “grinning”. The truth of the matter is, I grinned to hide my pain. This blog is no sob story it’s about being knocked down so many times, but still being able to get back up. It is about finding God and realizing that although I have always known God, I had to hit rock bottom before asking him to help me back up.

I am about to write an account of my life, it may seem like its impossible for one person to endure this and still remain stable. On the other hand some readers may say it’s fabricated. Sometimes, I can’t believe that all the things happened to me, But read my story and you decide. This is about a journey filled with unhappiness and trauma from a young age, although I have moved on to a new chapter in my life, in order to take off my mask I need to write….. Accepting God into my life has allowed me to do that, read my story and see why. I hope that my journey will help others going through similar situations to me. I am not a writer, I am just being me.

I set up my blog this year whilst at a low point, and I guess I was feeling sorry for myself; once I had done it through WordPress, I wanted to see how it looked, so naturally I typed it into google and hey presto. I was so proud, but amazed also when right under my blog was the poem below. My goodness! The name of MY BLOG was embedded inside the Poem.

We Wear the Mask

WE wear THE MASK THAT GRINS and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

Paul Laurence Dunbar (1872-1906

But hey, I thought this fit me perfectly I guess it fits most of us…read on and see for yourself

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