At the age of ten years old.
Mummy and I went to shepherds bush market, it was a busy market where they sold clothes and antique ornaments, and all sorts for sale.
Mummy was a keen dressmaker making items for her church sisters. So off we went to buy material. It was a long walk and she would talk to people she met, she would stop in various shops with me tagging behind. I was hungry and tired but couldn’t complain.
I would walk far behind as I didn’t want anyone to know she was my mummy.
When we eventually arrived at the materials shop and she went inside. She told me stay right there; with that look that meant no matter what you do not move.
So I did…
I stood at the spot rigidly rooted and watching children playing and laughing with their mums and I so wished it was me. I saw a little girl by the toy stand directly in front of me.. “Mine” she said.
I watched as her mum took up the beautiful doll, and paid for it, the little girl held it tightly to her neck and hugged the Dolly while mum smiled. I felt my stomach turn but I thought it was hunger.
It really wasn’t, it was “jealousy” Not for the dolly, I was used to not having toys, and not for the mummy, I was used to not having a mummy. No, I was jealous because she had a sister.
“Stop walking off! her mum shouted.
As another little girl joined the family, yes they were sisters in my mind as they wore matching clothes.
I then looked to my left, and right there beside me was a woman, she was dressed in many clothes and had lots of chains around her neck, she was large built and cuddly looking. I noticed there was a long queue and as mummy was busy chatting, I didn’t think she would notice, if I took a peak..
I heard the lady speak, in a husky but becoming voice. I know know she was a gypsy.
“Cross my palm with silver” she said.
She was randomly talking to the crowd as they passed.
Interesting! I saw people both men and women eagerly giving her money then she would talk. I was curious, she was talking about the future.
Most importantly, I thought she could tell me about my beloved father.
“Will I see him again”
“Will I get way from mummy” I thought.
“Will the beatings stop.
I was extremely curious.
I joined the queue, as I got closer in the line, I was hoping mummy wouldn’t return.
When it was my turn, I excitedly took out my 50p, and placed the silver coin in her hand. I’m not sure where the money came from, but I recall specifically that the 50p was in my pocket.
She took my hand…then she said. I was nervous, but as a child I didn’t know what to expect.
“Ooh! She said. ” you are going to have lots of children”
then she held my hand tightly and said.
“” Aaaah, “SOMEONE HAS PUT A CURSE ON YOU, AND YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY”.
I pulled my hand away quickly before she said anymore. I didn’t want to hear anything else. I was scared. I quickly left and went back to my spot outside the shop door. It was NOT the answers I wanted. That day I was told more than I expected. She didn’t tell me about mummy, or my father, but she made me feel worse.
I knew I couldn’t tell mummy. In any case I had learnt not to tell mummy anything as I was wrong to wander, I was wrong to pay money to read my fortune. As a child these words had a profound effect on my life, and instead of shaking it off whenever I had a problem throughout my life I remember the gypsy woman. Those words would continue to haunt me for a very long time.
In particular, what if I was cursed after all, why was I so unhappy, lonely, why was I abused. And worst of all Why was I born?
The gypsy lady must be telling the truth. I thought; otherwise why would she tell a young child that?
Proverbs 18:21New International Version (NIV)
21 The tongue has the power of life and death…..
That’s it I was cursed…I needed to find a way to fix this…..