However, my Friend anxiety is so stubborn, I been on prescription pills for a year now, this was to try and divorce her from me, but she seems to always have a way of coming back. Sometimes I try to avoid situations that will bring her into contact with me, but it doesn’t always work.
For instance today I was looking back on some of my blog post and I have so many already written in draft, they just need titles. Today I came across one and thought it’s time to publish but as I began typing and editing the loose ends. I started to go back in time as I remember certain painful situations. I could feel that old familiar Friend popping back again to say hello. As my mind started to wander she allowed me to go even deeper still and back to painful periods of my life. As anxiety tried to take control I realized I had to literally force myself back to reality and therefore remove the situations from my mind. I thought of taking a tablet but decided against this.
I know I cannot carry on like this and I will not allow her to rule my mind so today I decided to write her a letter.
I know we have been buddies for a long time, in fact since I was a little girl, but I am writing this to tell you I am all grown now, and I don’t need our friendship anymore. You have taught me to think I’m not good enough, not pretty enough, you have taught me that I am a failure, that no one will ever love me, but you are wrong somebody does. Although you don’t believe it I want you to know it’s over. Please do not come around anymore. I have tried for the last year to get rid of you, as someone else has taken your place. I don’t need constant reminders of my past nor do I need you to cause me physical symptoms. I know you probably will find it hard to leave me,but we can take a step at a time.
We both know we are not good for each other, but I want to say thank you for introducing me to certain people. Thank you also for making me who I am, and sorry that we had to part.
Well goodbye Anxiety.
There i’ve done it I wander if she will listen, because tomorrow is another day. And I still have a long testimony, I cannot take the interruptions, as I know writing this blog is well overdue.