Do you Remember D? , well when my youngest child was eight months I decided to make contacts so I went to visit him of course being a young foolish teenager I thought I was a grown woman. So I knocked the door of his stepfathers home. His mum answered I never liked her one bit, but she called D anyway. He seemed happy to see me, I wished the children were his. He was so kind. I wanted to rekindle our friendship so I lied. I told him when I left I was pregnant. I also wanted to punish him for leaving me. I told him I had an abortion and I watched when he was really sad.
One thing that struck me was that it seem like he actually loved me. We started communicating occasionally. One day he invited me for dinner, this was the nicest thing someone done. I asked my Freind on the estate the one with the three children to look after my kids. This was very irresponsible but it was the first time I had ever left my babies. He made dinner for me I recall it was salt mackerel, dumplings and green banana. A carribean dish.
It was amazing, by now he had one room and was living by himself. He treated me well. I really do believe he loved me. It was the first time I felt like a teenager. In my eyes I was spoilt, contaminated as I had two children with someone else. I was so sad, but I had a plan…..
I told him about the domestic violence and he was quite protective, which made me even more determine to succeed with my plan. We had a lovely evening he introduced me to his landlord and told her, I was his first girlfriend but I left. Imagine I didn’t leave but apparently after a while he had tried to contact me, when he realized he wanted to be with me. I was so sad because in that time I had not one but two children he would never want me now? I now decided on a different plan, remember I had an original plan, now I met D again my plan had been upgraded. This was out of desperation though. However before I could carry out my plan. The unthinkable happened.
At the end of the evening I went home and to my surprise….
It was now 20months since I saw my mummy.
When I arrived back from my dinner, my children were gone. The caretaker told me a woman came with the police and took my babies.
Where on earth are my children? I thought.
I had no money I was absolutely terrified. I vomited there on the spot; remember I was terrified of my mother. But, now I was a mother too. I needed to be strong and get my children, there was no way I would allow her to abuse them. However, I needed help and the one person that could help was their father. It didn’t matter if he beat me, I found him at the betting shop. I would die fighting for my children and at that moment. I knew the fight was on.
But what do I tell him?