I had learnt a new word lonely..
Well I was now officially homeless. I was also an immature teenager on the run, no money, no where to go and no food. I was never taught about life or survival as I had no parent or anyone I could ask questions. I had spent the past years in solitary. I learnt mainly from TV or what I was fortunate to read in any reading materials I found..
I can say my love of reading and writing until today had prevented me from becoming mentally disabled. This was because My own voice and my thoughts were all I relied on. Lonely
As I became older, it was all about survival. I never celebrated a birthday, apart from the time in the home, as mentioned previously, So the years just flew past. I knew my birthday was May 12, and each year I would get older. This was how I worked out my age. Lonely.
Whilst the babies were sleeping, tucked in nicely under the stairs; Many thoughts were racing through my mind. I was naturally frightened, a lonely human being. During the nights, I would walk to the window and look at the stars and moon. They were beautiful and at that time, I wandered if God was real? If he was as kind as the man I saw in my picture books, then why wasn’t he helping me? Where they just stories in the bible? I held on to the fact that the stories were true, because I wanted a miracle.
During those times I recall clearly that the idea of God often soothed me. I also kept my little bible with me at all times. I didn’t know the significance as yet, but I knew it was something good. My bible was always opened beside me at….
In addition, one particular song that I heard singing in church has followed me throughout the years. There was no explanation. But it seemed like the words in the song were speaking to me. Maybe God was real and he was trying to tell me something because the song stuck with me through my most difficult teenage years. In my heart and through sermons at church I always knew god existed. I however didn’t know about the way to salvation. There was no one to explain. I stayed awake like a lioness protecting her cubs while my babies slept. Humming the song to myself.. Lonely
But deep down, I knew that although we were free living under the stairs. I needed an alternative.
There was only one place I thought I could go.