Living the lie..but accepting the truth…


I woke up with this familiar pain in my stomach. “It can’t be”. I thought. “But the doctor said”… Many thoughts were racing through my mind, as anxiety engulfed me. There was no mistaken those bright red blood cells in my panties. “What do I do now”. I recall sitting in the toilet with my head in my hands. My head felt heavy as I thought about what to do.

My period had arrived,  “What will I tell D”?

“Suppose he wanted sex, tonight, what would I say?
Many thoughts and plans raced through my mind. I was mentally exhausted. I was scared to say the least.  I would lose D, and his family would be able to stop him getting trapped in a life with me. I was also scared that he would be sad. He had been good to me.  I felt that the child would be a reward for him being good to me. Worse of all, the thought of still belonging to Eric filled me with dread.  I needed to live the lie but accept the truth. I was doing something wrong.

The idea came to me…. I went into the kitchen and I drank a bottle of olive oil. Mummy used to give me this she claimed it was a wash out, today we call this detox. After couple hours, I felt sick, I didn’t tell D, what I had done.  But, I liked the attention I received.  D thought me my new word.  Sympathy

After tasting the new life, pregnancy was my only weapon. I had no idea what else to do. It took me couple days to formulate my plan. I needed to get pregnant. This was the plan I had after I found D again but I didn’t expect to be planning so quickly. There is no way I could let him know my secret; and because he had seen the letter from the doctor confirming I was pregnant (previous post) it was easy to put the plan in action.

After all a pregnant woman couldn’t get pregnant twice.

Could they?


This entry was posted in Experience, Memories. Bookmark the permalink.

Your time is valued. :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s