During this time on top of the abuse, that I was enduring my second daughter only ever cried. It was impossible to do things around the house. She would cry if you as much as looked at her. She would not accept any eye contact at all. This wore me out. My eldest daughter was the opposite in fact she was an angel. They were on totally opposite ends of the scale. What I did next as a mother for years later made me feel bad.
One day, in a moment of madness, I walked all the way to the nearest social services office. Crying! I knocked the door and went in. There was large reception and everyone stop and stared when I walked in. Carrying three children.
I said to the lady at the desk, “take her, I cannot cope”. Referring to my second child. She told me she would get a social worker to see me. A tall black woman entered the reception and said.
“Hi I am Glenwyn C”. She said. I told her I couldn’t cope with the crying, what I wanted to say was I can’t take the beatings, but at least if she took my daughter I would only have two children to cope with and then I could work around the house, I could wash, I could cook, I could clean and I could play with my other two babies and I would not be so tired when he wanted to do his business, and…… Breathe…..
Yes, I could cope better. Glenwyn didn’t take me serious though and so I went back home.
The next day I walked into a court room, I had seen it on my travels, I didn’t understand the court system but it looked like they would help me. “please take her, I’m scared I might hurt her” I said. I was taken to see a judge at Willesden county court in Brent.
When I went in the room there was a kind fatherly judge seated directly in front of me. He looked at me with compassion. Then he spoke.
“what seem to be the problem” he said.
” I -I- I. want someone to take her, I’m scared I will hurt her, all she does is cry all day. “Just like she is doing now” I said.
Have you got any family that can help? The dreaded word cut me like a knife. Family
“No, Sir, I haven’t, I replied.
“Have you got a social worker,” said the judge
“No Sir, but I spoke to one name Glenwyn C, in the office accross the road. but she didn’t believe me. I said.
“We had better get her then, said the kind judge. I didn’t want. Glenwyn to get in trouble. Nevertheless, I was told to wait outside. Everyone that passed was looking at me with this crying baby, as well as the one in my arm and the one standing beside me sucking her thumb. I was becoming more and more frustrated.
I waited in the hall until Glenwyn C! was ushered into the courts. I recall she was totally not impressed. She glanced at me coldly. As if I had put in a complaint I did not.
we all went back into the courtroom.
” Well , Miss Cole, is that your right salutation” I didn’t have a clue what this was, but this was my new word. ” No, Mrs” she said I am married. So that was what the word meant.
“In my opinion”, he went on.
” This young mother has informed me that she had approached social services already, but she was not taken seriously. She has asked for her daughter to be taken for fear of harm. I think this was an exceptionally brave thing for her to do. Don’t you think?. I am flabbergasted that you sent her away. Is not your role to prevent harm?,. He said other things that I cannot recall. But at the end he stated, I make an order for her daughter to be placed in foster care until such time the department believe she has had the break she deserved. For a minimum of three months to a maximum of six. Words I can never forget.
Then the. Judge turned to me and said. “Well done, for recognising that you was struggling. That was very brave “. Me brave, should I tell him about the abuse, better not, I thought.
My daughter was taken to a lovely woman, she was much older around 55 years old. A motherly foster mother. I recall the house was on a main road it was exceptionally beautiful. It was like walking into a shop. Mrs Mullings as she was called, went upstairs with me following behind. She showed me my daughters room, It was fit for a princess, there were toys galore. I knew my daughter would be going to a good home. I certainly wasn’t going to miss her. They said she would be gone for a minimum three months maximum six months. But that I could remove her at anytime. Well you know, I was not going back before time. Something in the back of my mind reminded me that I wanted her as a sister for my eldest, but the thought left my mind as soon as it came. Horrid child…..I thought.
I went home that day, with a spring in my steps. When I arrived home. D asked me where she was I said I had given her a away so I could be able to provide for him and his daughter more. He seemed slightly upset, but that didn’t faze me. Although he gave me a look to say, not my daughter. I knew better.
I was now free to perform my womanly duties. My eldest daughter was quieter than usual. I will make it up to her I thought, and besides she still had another sister.
After only two weeks , I received a message to say. I needed to collect my daughter immediately from the foster mother. When I spoke to the foster mother she said to me. ” Hmmm Beverley”. “I am really sorry but your daughter is taking up all, my time and I cannot do anything else in the day. I have other children to look after and she is testing my patience”. She told me it had to take her home.
I took my baby back, and she was never let out my sight again. I recall having the motherly instinct to protect, I felt a little pang of sadness that I gave her away, but that was short lasting as she was crying again.
Today, this daughter is a tower of strength in my life. Today we laugh about this. Sorry baby!
I believe God knew, what her role would be, not just in my life but the whole family. She is now the glue that binds us all together….