MY ONLY SISTER,

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Dear all,

I write this with a heaviness  in my chest, with tremors in my hand but with love in my heart.

I am sorry I have not written for a while.   Ironically my last post was on 27/11/2014, when I suffered a an unfair job loss, since then life has been a downward spiral of depression, and selfishly  having feel of suicide due to  feeling  worthless.  In the post I  also said   “don’t worry, No one has died.”

little did did I know the biggest shock was yet to come.

I would never have thought I would now be writing this.   Sadly I have lost my only sister six years senior.   Although my blog has not touched on the part of how we met or where we met.  I can only say without spoiling the blog for my readers.  That we were very close.  In my life  I can say I felt the love.  No doubt about it.

My sister was diagnose with ovarian cancer three weeks after my last post and while going through this  job loss. This was   a totally unfair dismissal. That shook me to the bone.   Yep, I know, I  had these thoughts but knew I couldn’t do it, as I needed to keep my faith in God.

My son got married on 14th December 2014, it was a splendid faultless Hindu ceremony.   I smiled between the pain, and wore my mask well.  The next day 15th December 2014, on my way back from a cancelled dental appointment.  I received a call that would change my life completely.  My sister was diagnosed with  terminal cancer and with those words,… “there is nothing we can do but make her comfortable”  I dropped what I was doing and went straight to the hospital, and hour drive away.

I cried again.  My anxiety kicked in and I couldn’t breathe.  But after seeing her I heard a voice say  “she has four weeks”  so  I gave her four weeks in my mind.  Yet, No  professional had said when she would pass.

For  those who are not religious, please bare with me.

I actually felt the holy spirit guiding me.  I definately heard a voice say,  four weeks.  I felt I was led all the way, I had a drive to make sure all my children had pictures with her and videos, and we visited daily. It’s like I was led to  bank those memories. I succeeded as now everyone has a treasured picture with her.

The consultant gathered us in the room and said.  “Anything we do is only to make her comfortable”. Although I totally blocked out the idea she would die, the voice was still there  constantly “four weeks”    As mentioned in previous post, I don’t know if it’s a gift or what.  But this was very vivid.  Everytime someone asked about her I would say she  has four weeks.  Sorry all I have no explanation for this. Just being as honest as I can.

Well on the Friday before she died 9th January  around 12.30pm.  I suddenly felt very uncomfortable at home. I felt a presence.   I said a silent bible verse, but still felt a presence in the room.  I kept looking towards the door.  I  said to my youngest daughter age 16.  That  ” I felt like something bad was going to happen”  if you have read my previous post you will see that when I say this it usually does come true.

She  asked me if it was about Aunty Burley as we call her.  And I said I don’t know.  We  stayed awake until 2 am  10th. January, trying to watch a movie  to block out my thoughts.  But somehow fell asleep on the chair.

I was woken at 6am.   To say she had passed.   the hospital stated she died between 12.30 and 3am.   😦

Since  that time I have not cried as although the voice kept telling me four weeks, I didn’t accept it.  I do believe that God was preparing me,

ISIAH 43:2

 2″When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you

At the moment,  it hurts, I am still going through the motions  she was buried yesterday 15th FEBRUARY.  Buried on my daughters birthday.  She died on my cousins birthday.  typical. She wanted to make sue we never forget her.  As if I would. 🙂

That part of my life is over. But she lives on in my heart.  She was a believer too.   I take comfort from the scripture below,  and as a result of her death and her final words she has changed me as a person.   Firstly her death has made me realize that everything in life is temporary.

2 Corinthians 4:18

18while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 

I made her a promise  to write my life story, she also said to me two weeks before she died,  “when I come out of hospital, I’m going to write a book”. 😦      My sister was strong and positive to the end.

She said ” don’t  go backwards,  Believe and don’t carry any feelings in your heart about anyone.  she said don’t follow ignorance,  as it’s better to die accepting God than not.   This is a promise I will definately keep.   Especially as we all live by faith not by sight.

When we see an old beautiful painting.  We know for sure A PAINTER painted it. but we have never seen the painter.   likewise everyone of us know God exists,  because he gave us creation , but ignorance separates us from God.

Sorry for getting all biblical and mushy, but it’s my way of coping.  I hope to be back on form soon.    Thanks Andy.   You have been a tower of strength.

Dedicated to my  big sister B.   Miss you terribly. Xx

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24 Responses to MY ONLY SISTER,

  1. Beverley says:

    Thank you all for your kind words. Today is my birthday. 52 today. Mixed emotions. Miss my sister terribly, but trying not to get too emotional. I have been watching the gospel channel and thought of my blog. I remeber you all. Yes, I am I’m still here, getting stronger emotionally, been doing a lot of reading on the bible and watching videos. To be honest I feel so lucky that I God gave me the chance to become a believer. Many people die without finding out for themself about God. Pride separates mankind, just like the bible said it would. So today I feel blessed. Sending love and best wishes to all who have taken the time to read my blog. I will be back very soon, something’s are still hard to write about, but I know that’s where healing will come. Bye for now. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. murrsma says:

    I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved one…may the wings of spirit comfort and hold you close..

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Beverly, it’s OK to grieve, it’s OK to express the pain you feel, our tears are healing , they are a gift. I lost my Sister too, she had Bowel Cancer, she became a Christian just before she died but like me Julie had asked Jesus to be her friend as a child and He never forgets. God assured me a year and a half before Julie died that she would repent and come home to Him and she did, He did the same with my Mum. Both are in my heart and so we are not really apart, just like you and your Sister but I miss talking to them, the last time I talked to Julie was before she went into Palliative care, I told her Jesus Loved her and she listened this time, she use to cut me off before at her funeral she asked for the Old Rugged Cross to be played.

    I have thought about you often Beverly, but not knowing what was wrong, I left it to The Holy Spirit to intercede for you, Jesus knew what was happening. Thank you for sharing, I’m sure it would not have been easy but we all care, you are special to us , your our Sister in Christ Jesus and that bond can’t be broken we Love you.

    Christian Love Always – Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Beverly, it’s OK to grieve, it’s OK to express the pain you feel, our tears are healing , they are a gift. I lost my Sister too, she had Bowel Cancer, she became a Christian just before she died but like me Julie had asked Jesus to be her friend as a child and He never forgets. God assured me a year and a half before Julie died that she would repent and come home to Him and she did, He did the same with my Mum. Both are in my heart and so we are not really apart, just like you and your Sister but I miss talking to them, the last time I talked to Julie was before she went into Palliative care, I told her Jesus Loved her and she listened this time, she use to cut me off before at her funeral she asked for the Old Rugged Cross to be played.

    I have thought about you often Beverly, but not knowing what was wrong, I left it to The Holy Spirit to intercede for you, Jesus knew what was happening. Thank you for sharing, I’m sure it would not have been easy but we all care, you are special to us , your our Sister in Christ Jesus and that bond can’t be broken we Love you.

    Christian Love Always – Anne

    My E-mail Address – freedometernally@iinet.net.au

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am so sorry. Love and hugs to you and your family. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Terri says:

    Berverley, I am so sorry about the loss of your sister. Your post was a beautiful tribute to her and to God. Don’t apologize for being Biblical or mushy, your words are a testimonial of God’s love and your love for him, they bless me and are encouraging for those who may be going through the same sort of thing. Sending prayers, and hugs your way. God bless you my sister in Christ, T

    Liked by 1 person

    • Beverley says:

      Thank you very much Terri, I have missed communicating with you, hard times at the moment nights are hardest but I feel with Godsgrace, I’m getting there. Suffering from anxiety at present although each day it gets better. Thank you again. Xx

      Like

    • Beverley says:

      Hi Terri, thank you for these words, I had read them before but thought I had replied in my mind, but I guess so much had happened during this time that I didn’t even know what day was what. Losing my sister was and still is extremely painful, when I think of her my chest hurts. But knowing that she was a. Believer and baptised gives me courage. She was a beautiful soul and so peaceful she didn’t fight with anyone. 🙂 well the bible tells us though that for believers death has lost its sting. 🙂 so that is comforting.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. osarobohenry says:

    I am sorry for the loss of your sister. May the Good God give you and all your family members the grace to overcome the pains. Peace to you!

    Liked by 1 person

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