According to Kubler Ross, there are five stages of grief.
Following the telephone call to mummy. I entered these stages at the same time as being a mother, and being almost six months pregnant. Life was a daily struggle, but I was able to wear the mask during the day and cry during the nights when the house was quiet.
I entered stage one….Immediately, I came off the telephone. I kept thinking how mummy was so cold. During these times my box at the bottom of sea was fully opened. (Here) the memories of the past were entering and leaving my mind in succession.
Many times I felt like I was in a boat on the sea, swaying with the waves crashing down; Moving along but mentally drifting so slowly.
Five stages of grief – Elisabeth kübler Ross
EKR stage Interpretation
1 – Denial
Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It’s a defence mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored. Death of course is not particularly easy to avoid or evade indefinitely.
Although, this stage was next, I do not recall feeling anger, it was as if I was incapable of anger, after all what was the point?
Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset.
3 – Bargaining ..
There was no one to bargain with, but I learn to accept what life had set for me. After all what was the use of complaining, there was no one to hear. There was no one to help.
4 – Depression
Also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it’s the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the ‘aftermath’ although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It’s a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It’s natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.
5 – Acceptance
Again this stage definitely varies according to the person’s situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity…..
I NEVER EVER ACCEPTED MY FATHERS DEATH…
Although grief refers to anything or anyone you have formed an attachment with. There were many deaths to come in my life. This was just the beginning.
It was too sudden. So although Kubler Ross, highlighted the five stages of grief, In my opinion I felt she had missed out something, that was the feeling of abandonment. I felt that Papa had abandoned me. He had stopped fighting for me, once I was sent away. In fact did he ever fought for me?, I would never know. All I ever wanted was for my father to somehow show up and fight for me.
Now he was gone.
(Based on the Grief Cycle model first published in On Death & Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, 1969. Interpretation by Alan Chapman 2006-2013
Following the shock of losing my father! I tried to carry on with life.
Three months after the telephone call. It was time to go back to court, I didn’t know what to think, I arrived with a friend, I was getting quite use to court appearances and as I was ushered into the room, I wondered what was next. But for some reason I was not scared this time. I was embarrassed but definitely not scared. Once my case was called the solicitor was able to explain the history of the case, this was not my previous solicitor but one that was appointed by he courts, He was a short Asian man, medium built, and quite sympathetic to me; having read my background. I felt he would do he best for me.
The solicitor went on to explain to the judge that I was hormonal at the time of the crime and quoted what I said during the arrest,
” I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, I didn’t know what I was doing at the time”
this is all I can remember at this time. But when the courts arose…
I stood up in the dock at eight months pregnant, somehow I wasn’t scared maybe because of the pregnancy, and I knew if I had been sent back to prison I would have company.
Courts rise the judge said…