Abandonment

 

According to Kubler Ross, there are five stages of grief.

Following the telephone call to mummy. I entered these stages at the same time as being a mother, and being almost six months pregnant.  Life was a daily struggle, but I was able to wear the mask during the day and cry during the nights when the house was quiet.

I entered stage one….Immediately, I came off the telephone.  I kept thinking how mummy was so cold. During these times my box at the bottom of sea was fully opened. (Here) the memories of the past were entering and leaving my mind in succession.

Many times I felt like I was in a boat on the sea, swaying with the waves crashing down; Moving along but mentally drifting so slowly.

image

Five stages of grief – Elisabeth kübler Ross

EKR stage Interpretation
1 – Denial

Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It’s a defence mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored. Death of course is not particularly easy to avoid or evade indefinitely.

2- anger

Although, this stage was next, I do not recall feeling anger, it was as if I was incapable of anger, after all what was the point?

Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset.

3 – Bargaining ..

There  was no one to bargain with, but I learn to accept what life had set for  me. After all what was the use of complaining, there was no one to hear. There was no one to help.
4 – Depression

Also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it’s the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the ‘aftermath’ although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It’s a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It’s natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.

5 – Acceptance

Again this stage definitely varies according to the person’s situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity…..

I NEVER EVER ACCEPTED MY FATHERS DEATH…

Although grief refers to anything or anyone you have formed an attachment with. There were many deaths to come in my life. This was just the beginning.

It was too sudden.  So although Kubler Ross, highlighted the five stages of grief, In my opinion I felt she had missed out something, that was the feeling of abandonment.  I felt that Papa had abandoned me.  He had stopped  fighting for me, once I was sent away. In fact did he ever fought for me?, I would never know.   All I ever wanted was for my father to somehow show up and fight for me.

Now he was gone.

(Based on the Grief Cycle model first published in On Death & Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, 1969. Interpretation by Alan Chapman 2006-2013

Following the shock of losing my father! I tried to carry on with life.

Three months after the telephone call.  It was time to go back to court, I didn’t know what to think, I arrived with a friend, I was getting quite use to court appearances and as I was ushered into the room, I wondered what was next. But for some reason I was not scared this time.  I was embarrassed but definitely not scared. Once my case was called the solicitor was able to explain the history of the case, this was not my previous solicitor but one that was appointed by he courts, He was a short Asian man, medium built, and quite sympathetic to me; having read my background.  I felt he would do he best for me.

The solicitor went on to explain to the judge that I was hormonal at the time of the crime and quoted what I said during the  arrest,

” I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, I didn’t know what I was doing at the time”

this is all I can remember at this time. But when the courts arose…

I stood up in the dock at  eight months pregnant, somehow I wasn’t scared  maybe because of the pregnancy, and I knew if I had been sent back to prison I would have company.

Courts rise the judge said…

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11 Responses to Abandonment

  1. osarobohenry says:

    Thank you so much for your visit and the likes. May God richly bless you in the name of Jesus Christ

    Like

  2. Meredith says:

    Terri, you give voice to so many people who have similar stories. Poignant story.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s OK to grieve Beverly, it’s OK to express the pain we feel, our tears are healing , they are a gift from God. The other Truth not shared about grief is that Jesus heals us, when we Trust Him to do so, He tells us to come to Him when the load we carry is heavy and He will give us rest..

    Thank you for sharing, I’m sure it would not have been easy but we all care.

    Christian Love Always – Anne

    Like

  4. Terri says:

    I am glad to see you back, I have missed you. I am with Andy, he is right, there is so much power and release in your words. I am looking forward to seeing more of your words in the future and seeing where God leads you in your writing of your story. God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Beverley says:

      Aaaah Terri, I have missed you too, thank you for all your lovely comments and your patience. It has been a very tough few years, in fact tougher than anything I have ever experienced. However, I beleive God is carrying me through, I feel like he saying enough is enough. So , I’m gonna see where this path leads. My sister just before she died in fact the week before, told me to write…so I knew I would continue, it’s just something’s are quite painful. Hope you are well too and God bless you too Terri. Xx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Andy Oldham says:

    I am so happy to see you pick up the pen again my friend. There is so much power and release in your words. As I have prayed for your return I will continue to pray for God’s blessings as you share your testimony here.

    Liked by 1 person

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