As I looked at the woman closely. I saw her..
Then I SAW ME.
Well at least it looked like me, but the person staring back was not happy she was dressed in a white shirt with ruffles and a grey trousers. She wasn’t smiling at all as she attempted to step out the car;
Quite the opposite. The car pulled up right outside Desmonds house and three men and the woman came out no one was smiling and now I was afraid.
I thought trouble was in store.
The woman who looked like me marched up to me and called my name, “Honey”. but she was upset and happy at the same time. I realised it was my sister. She was upset that I was visiting who she thought were strangers and that I didn’t come and stay with her. When I explained who I was with and how my aunt wouldn’t let me travel to kingston. She grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug, just like the one I gave my father.
I had put a face to my beloved sister finally (RIP) I also loved my sister instantly. I explained to them that the person I was staying with was Desmond and his family, but there was an obvious history between the brothers although my sister was pleased to be meeting her nieces. We had a little reunion right there outside the house. The one day I didn’t have my camera to capture the mood.
Although the memories live in my heart.
There was one thing though I noted, my favourite brother as a child was in fact Zigg. He was in fact my third eldest brother, however due to the problems in my life he was suppressed and therefore although I remembered him instantly that day, when I received the first pictures. Looking at him now, I didn’t feel the same rush of love I felt for Desmond and My sister, though I felt a connection. I was able to recapture the image of my last days in jamaica so often a a child that as a result only Desmond played on my mind.
After all he was the last bit of happiness I recalled on my way to the airport in 1969.
Although I was pleased to see the other brothers, the connection was lost, they were more like men, and you all know how I felt about men, but I was determined to change and let my brothers love me too. I was very proud though to see these three tall men all over six feet and they were very warm towards me.
My sister was still hugging me, I loved the feel of her squichy body against mine, she was on the plump side so very cuddly indeed. I smelt her perfume and touched her face, yes I was an awful sentimental person, and so was she. My sister then started saying referring to me staying at Desmond house. She kept repeating ” that is how Honey stay, she loves family.” The brothers smiled.
Isn’t this amazing that our phone calls had reconnected our hearts.
I asked her how she found me and she told me that you couldn’t hide in jamaica. She went on to say that she was desperate to see me and she couldnt take it anymore so asked the brothers to drop her to me. I was so happy that she found me. After a while talking about old times, I begged the brothers to come with me to my fathers house together, I just wanted my father to be happy. This request was never granted completely. Although they came individually. I tried very hard to get us all in the same place at the same time. But due to work commitments this was difficult.
By the way Desmond wasnt there that time…
I did notice that there was a tension between the brothers and they really didn’t accept Desmond. I was determined to find out why and change all that, as I believed that everyone should live good with one another. I certainly didn’t like the fussing and fighting.
Everyone said my sister and I looked alike and almost everyone jokingly referred to her as me and vice versa. I absolutely loved this, I loved to be compared to my big sister. Happiness well I didn’t realise I could be so happy.
From that moment my sister and I was inseparable, as I type I feel the love. I feel the heartbreak. My brother and I also became inseparable and although me and the other brothers never quite got that close, I was accepted and that was the main thing, they treated me well and they treated me as a sister.
Naturally, D was now becoming jealous and understandly upset that it was now ten days since arriving in Jamaica and we had not seen his family. The more angry he became they more annoyed I became.
Why cant he just go, I thought…
After all, my sister wanted me to meet her children and my brothers wanted me to me their children, I really don’t have the time for D. I had spent over twenty years in England on my own, in an unhappy environment; whilst he had a family, this was my time. The idea of leaving my new family annoyed me very much, but I didn’t let anyone see, I had to stop being selfish so no one knew how I felt.
I agreed we would see his family….
The next day we decided to visit D family, I had to make the effort, didn’t ? we was up early morning
as we set off for our journey over fifty miles away.
On the journey D and I remained quiet, but some small talk took place, we remained quiet as the car sped through the country side taking in the view, this time I had my camera and took the picture below…
I was already thinking about my plans when I came back. After all we still had another four weeks in Jamaica.
We spent a week in Clarendon. I met Ds sister and to be honest this was by far the best sister of all, she had five children and was struggling but she was happy, we got along beautifully, I’m not sure if it was her surroundings, or because I was from the UK. But nevertheless I had a good time with her. She took me to the Maypen market and I observe the hustle and bustle of Jamaican life.
I didn’t feel uncomfortable in that town, as much as I did in my village. However, I really enjoyed Angela’s company. The market was filled with women and men trying to make a living, my sister in law Angela, told me not to speak as she would do all the talking, this was because she knew they would try to over-charge me. I did as I was told. Then I saw them the jelly coconuts all line in a row, I had to buy one. It tasted as good as when I first tried it. I also noticed the little children selling goods and thought they looked so innocent and yet so business minded.
Due to the natural ease as I walk the streets, I assumed that maybe it was the street life that appeal to me or maybe it was because St Thomas my own town was very different, I was not the centre of attention here, and could just blend in with all the other people.
I liked Clarendon, it was at the other end of Dalvey and the difference was very obvious, it was 65.31miles.. I noticed also the houses, the trees in fact the whole surrounding, I was enjoying my time in the birth country.
I spent a lovely time in Clarendon. D was on his best behavior and although I was not happy with him, we managed to convince everyone we were ok. I often wondered how D felt knowing I was in a country where I had Four brothers and a sister… But I never asked him…
I always smiled to myself…
After spending two weeks with Ds family, We arrived back in promising Ds sister I would return to visit.
Naturally I went straight back to see my nieces.
As I arrived to the house, I saw a young lady standing by the gate. It was if she was expecting me. She was smiling…
“Hello honey” she said.
“I’m your sister Sharon”, (real name), do you remember her, she was born fourteen years after me. But Although I was pleased to see her the instant rush of love never came.
Could it have been jealousy?
I gave her a hug, little did I know our relationship would have gone from strength to strength.
“Tomorrow we would go see our father.” I thought.